Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
