Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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