no, he came in my armpit
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
