mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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