she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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