I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
