Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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