Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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