I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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