Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
