do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
