Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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