tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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