Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
