I hate your face
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
