Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
