What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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