this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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