Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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