Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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