So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told me I should be a condom model.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
