could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
