this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I believe in your delicious
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
