Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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