Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
