Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
