i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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