He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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