I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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