that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
