You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
