mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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