i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
