I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
