So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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