hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
