i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
