the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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