Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need a burrito and a hug.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize