you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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