she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
