he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
