How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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