we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
