This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
