you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
