hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
