I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
