i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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