Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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