I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
