oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
whose ass print is on the piano?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
