my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
