So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
