My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
