let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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