found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
