when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
