Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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