I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
