when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
