I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
