I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
