i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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