I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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