I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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