Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
