Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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