Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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