So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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