Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
